I was in line waiting to see the Dark Knight Rises when I saw some girl break off and head down an alley. I thought nothing of it, but the dream decided it was important and shifted perspective to follow her. After several twists and turns, she came upon an old house that a man had rushed into just moments before. It seemed she had been tracking him, for she sneaked inside as well. Dust and cobwebs lined the walls.
"Please, come in!" crooned a male voice, "Take your hat off. Grab a seat!" two hands appeared on her shoulders and shoved her into a chair.
"No hat? Should I take your head off instead," the person came around in front of the stunned girl, smiling from ear to ear. Literally. It was the freakin' Joker from Batman the animated series.
"Joker, I'm here for the ring," asserted the girl, recovering slightly.
"Oh, of course. What else? Sadly, I'm afraid I've lost it somewhere in closet," he swept to the side to reveal an irregularly shaped wardrobe looming in the back corner of the room, "You'll have to retrieve it," as the girl reached towards the door, he slapped her hand away, "Ah-ah-ah! There are a few things you need to know about this closet. You see, it isn't particularly friendly. If you want to open it, you'll need this," he pulled a sledge hammer from who knows where and dropped it in her arms, "now, you'll need to hit it in the exact center when the clock strikes twelve. If you do that properly, then you get to reach in and grab the envelope holding your precious ring. But be warned! Touch anything else, and I'll have to penalize you. Do we have a deal?"
He reached out a chalk-white hand, face disturbingly serious. The girl slipped her hand into his, "Deal," his customary smile stretched over the Joker's face as they shook hands. He then whisked away and left her to the wardrobe.
When the clock finally struck twelve, the sledgehammer swung into the middle of the closet, splintering the sides. Before the girl could search for her ring, a blue mist swirled around her hand and spreading up her arm and over her entire body. Then, the mist was gone and the girl with it.
"Oh! Did we make a mistake? Too bad!" the Joker cackled to himself.
Hours later, a brother and sister showed up at his house, also looking for a lost ring. The Joker explained the rules again and giggled just as hard as they disappeared in a cloud of green mist.
Then I appeared. Somehow, the wardrobe had been replaced with an undamaged one. When the Joker stuck out his hand and asked "Do we have a deal?" I turned him down.
"No deal until you tell me where the center of gravity of the cabinet is," I insisted. The tenor of his smile shifted from smug to pleasantly surprised.
"Well, since you ask," he bent down to tap one of the legs, "It's all centered on this point. Good luck!"
I waited until twelve, then swung my hammer into the leg he'd indicated. It buckled, and the wardrobe collapsed to its side. As it fell, a panel came loose and fell out. No mist appeared. Inside, I saw nothing but colorful envelopes. I deliberated as long as I dared, then picked out a raspberry colored one and tore it open. It did not contain a ring but a glass ball matching the envelope. Red mist seeped from it and made its way over my hand. Desperate, I grabbed for another envelope, but it burned to the touch. Before I could try to pick it up again, the mist had completely surrounded me. The next thing I knew, I was standing in a marble ballroom. I was not alone.
At least 50 men and women dressed all in green, blue, orange, black, or reddish pink swarmed around me. Some danced; some did flips; some attacked each other. The Joker appeared by my side.
"Aren't they wonderful? My children!"
"These are not possibly all your kids."
"No, no, naturally. I have more hiding somewhere else," he muttered, peering under a nearby table, "Eric!" A handsome young man dressed in dark green trotted over. The Joker leaned in close and whispered to me, "Careful with the green ones. They're all pathological liars," then to Eric, "Come my boy, I want you to give this young lady a tour around the place."
"Of course, Mister J," he replied. He then turned to me with a smile sweeter than honey, "Follow me. You've probably noticed we all wear different colors. The orange people are all somewhat high energy," he said as one of them cartwheeled past, "The black ones have a sadistic streak a mile wide. The blue ones are quite intelligent, but they're incapable of talking to attractive females, so don't expect any good conversations."
Smirking at the compliment, I asked, "And what does green mean?"
"We're all skilled speakers and a bit more socially savvy than the others."
"Really? That's not what the Joker said. He subtly implied that you might be less than trustworthy."
"Well, my tongue might be a bit on the silver side. Does that make you uncomfortable?" he eyed me curiously.
"Everything going on is hard to believe. It seems only right that the people should be too."
The tour and the flirting continued for half an hour or so. Suddenly, everyone rushed to one side of the ballroom behind scrim curtains. Eric went off in one direction, and the girls in pink ushered me over to join their group. It was then that I realized that no one had told me who they were. A hush fell, and the girls around me insisted that I put my head down and close my eyes. I pretended to comply, but looked up once more once they had all closed their eyes as well. Nothing happened. The only reason for putting their heads down seemed to be forcing them to do something senseless. My brainwashing meter started ticking. Then, the music started.
Everyone's heads snapped up, and they ran out back onto the floor, which was now covered in colored dots matching their clothes. I had to run out as well or risk a trampling. The others all went into individually choreographed dances. No two were alike, though the styles fell along the color lines. The pink girls, for example, had significantly more shaking and gyrating. I became aware of the Joker and Harley Quinn watching the performance from a platform. He fixed me with a gaze that said, "Dance, puppet, dance!" So I did. However, instead of going for a sexy style, I went into full gymnast mode. Flip flops, back flips, cartwheels, leaps. I even threw in some of those stylized poses that have become so popular. By the time the song finished, everyone else had stopped their dances to watch me. I bowed to thunderous applause.
"Fantastic! Outstanding! I knew you'd make an excellent addition to our little family," praised the Joker as he hopped down from his little stage."
"Addition? I don't want to-"
"Pinkies! Get her some appropriate clothing and teach her your ways," he commanded. The pink girls mobbed me.
"Pink?! If I have to join one, couldn't it be blue or orange?"
"Nonsense. You have such potential as a tease."
With that, I was whisked away by giggling bimbos and sneering she-devils. They gave me pink clothes and set me up with a trainer who tried to get me to act provocatively. It did not go so well.
"Look," he said, "All you have to do is make everything an innuendo, move your hips, and beckon with your eyebrows for all you're worth."
I had no trouble with the first one, but the body language eluded me. It just felt awkward, not to mention I had no intention of actually joining the pink ranks. When the trainer had to take a break, I slipped away and explored elsewhere. That was how I found the junkyard.
Piles upon piles of garbage filled an enormous basement room. Workers went to and fro, barking orders in walkie-talkies. Some of them did not appear interested in the garbage, but rather in finding someone who had hidden away in it. At one point, a female voice took over their communicators, shouting "You're getting colder!" I ran for the trash and got away without them noticing me. After a while, I came across a pinky in a nest made of trash. She leveled gun comprising plumbing parts and a pop can.
"What are you doing here?" she demanded.
"I'm like you. I don't want anything to do with the Joker and his dumb family."
"Oh, well in that case," she tossed her gun to me, "shoot any of the seekers that come snooping around. I'm going to look for some extra parts."
I spent the rest of my time evading the so called seekers and building weaponry and shelters in the garbage with the girl. It was a strange life, but a good one.
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