Saturday, September 1, 2012

Dream Log Nu: Fictitious History

[I found out last night that I had missed part of a recent update to the webcomic Homestuck. The update was an interactive thing, and I forgot to give a horse to the author of the comic so he'd be my slave. No, I am not making that part up. Naturally, my dream mind decided to fill in what it thought would have happened if I had done that.]

I managed to find some treasure chests filled with those horsehead-on-a-stick toys. Score! I promptly wove my way through the maze of passages I'd taken to find Andrew Hussie, sitting dejectedly in a crater. For some reason, he could not walk. When I showed him the horse toys, he was overjoyed. He quickly flopped himself at one of them and merged with it somehow to become Andrew Horsey. He looked like a tiny plush horse with his own head stuck on top of it. It was adorable. And disturbing. I ordered him to show me the way out of the maze, so off we went. 

He scuttled along before me for a while until we came upon a museum of German history. More specifically, the collections area of such a museum. Two anthropologist / historian / old stuff researchers were on duty. A potbellied old man labeled and cataloged artifacts while a gracefully aged woman did restoration work on a painting spanning a large section of wall. They ignored Andrew and I, so we decided to peruse the shelves. One of them had various ceramics cookie jars arranged below little plaques. When read in order, they went as follows.

"Jews were baked into cookies a lot.
Nazis had a big problem with rot.
Who ever did think
the idea didn't stink
to put human remains... in a pot?"

The plaque reading "in a pot" sat above a traditional urn. I burst into laughter. In fact, I fell down from guffawing so hard. That got the male researcher's attention.

"You think the holocaust is funny, do you?" he accused.

"No! I - I, heh, I just think - haha - the limerick, and the pfffffpot-urn-thing is just - heehee hohahaHAHAHAHAHA!" When I finally recovered from my severe case of the giggles, I dug myself into an even deeper hole. "I do wonder though, how one bakes humans into cookies. How would that work?"

"You're sick, do you know that?" the researcher stated.

"I'm not condoning it! It was a horrible thing to do, but that doesn't make it uninteresting. Besides, you aren't the littlest bit curious about how humans taste?" I looked to Hussie for help, but he had gotten quite distracted by the female researcher. It seemed the two had met before and spent a magical dance filled evening together. "Huss, we should keep going. I want to get out of here."

"Can't you see I've found loooooooove?" He made a move to jump away from me, but I grabbed a hold of his head first. The body kept going, but the head stayed behind. That angered him. He warped his face into that of a character from a rage comic. I had to fight to keep my stomach down while looking at him. "LET GO OR I'LL BITE YOUR ARMS OFF!" He snapped his jaws at me, but I kept a firm grip.

"Hussie. You are mine. You will do as I say, and NO! No feigning rabies! I know you're clean." He ceased attempting to froth at the mouth. "You will lead me out of here, or you'll never get your horse body back again."

Just then, Otto I, Kaiser of the Holy Roman Empire, rode past with his entourage. I dropped Hussie and followed Otto out of the caves instead.

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