"I'm bored."
"How? You're at GenCon!"
"Yeah, but there's no one cool arou-" I cut myself off as Mandy Patinkin in full Inigo Montoya costume walked by. "I stand corrected. I think I'm...just...gonna stand over here now," I said as I inched towards the actor. Sadly, he disappeared around a corner, leaving me right next the daycare. With nothing better to do, I wandered in. Two little boys were busily snapping together PVC elbow joints to pack them away. I started to help, but the children kept trying to correct the way I was putting them together. I may or may not have thrown a mini temper tantrum as I stomped away from the overly critical kids.
"Hey!" someone called after me, "Where are you going?" one of my friends asked as I wandered past a free T-shirt stand, "They're giving out free T-shirts. Wait in line with me."
"I don't want a free T-shirt. I want to give those snooty-faces the nooky of their lives."
"What?"
"Never mind," I muttered as I joined her in line. After we received our shirts, we paid a visit to the dance hall and tried to cut a Scottish rug with some highland dancers. Successful is not really a word I would use to describe that encounter, and I had started to truly doubt my ability as a convention-goer. That was when Audrey II made his move.
The evil, blood sucking plant had gained the power to infect matter with its own wicked seed through a failed attempt by Dr. Drakken to take over the world. The convention center happened to be his first target. Anything organic could be converted into an alien plant vampire. Within an hour of the attack, most humans had been eaten by the cotton in their clothes. Fortunately, Audrey II could only convert matter through contact. The highland dancers, my friend and I found out about the epidemic before it was too late and barricaded ourselves inside a kitchen with concrete walls.
For a while, life in the kitchen seemed almost normal. We boiled all the water that came in to make sure that Audrey II didn't get in through the microbes. We ate, we joked, we even directed other survivors to our strong hold. Then Audrey II started talking to me... inside my head.
"You know, the food is going to run out. How you gonna replenish it, hmmmmmm?"
"We'll, um..."
"And what about when you run out of gas and you can't boil the water no more. I'll just trickle in and make a yummy little snack out of you and your friends."
"You won't get us so easily!"
"Who are you talking to?" my friend asked.
"Uh...look. Given the circumstances, we won't be able to survive here indefinitely. I don't mind dying since I've got heaven to look forward to. I just don't want it to hurt or for the stupid plant to get me. I believe suicide is therefore the most practical option here."
"But suicide is an unforgivable sin! Also, I don't want you to die."
"God can forgive anything, and I'm going to die anyway. Now help me ram this pipe through my head."
"No!"
"Come on!"
"No!"
"Please?"
It continued in this way until we realized that killing Audrey II was an option we could both agree on. However, by that time the plant had already died due to killing too many humans too quickly and depleting its food source. We emerged from the kitchen victoriously and took a plane to South America for the heck of it.
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