Divorce Court

Judge: Bailiff, allow the plaintiff and defendant into the courtroom.

(Zeus and Hera enter the room. For the benefit of the mortals, they have taken the forms of a great bear and a regal lioness to mask their full godly might)

Judge: Now Hera, I understand you are suing your husband Zeus for infidelity.

Hera: That is correct. He has had numerous affairs and I am done putting up with it.

Zeus: Oh, come on! What about what you've put me through?!

Judge: Zeus. I am talking to your wife right now. You'll get your chance. Go on Hera. Tell me how it started.

Hera: Well, I could not give you a specific date, or woman really, but I have lists of children. Hercules, Perseus, you must have heard of them. They all turn out to be such, pathetic heroes (Her tail swishes angrily). Did you know that he had five other wives before me?

Judge: Yes, I had to sit through all of those divorce cases as well. Go on.

Hera: Well, the worst came when Zeus started seeing that Theban slut, Semele. He went to her every night., so one day I paid her a visit of my own. I told her what trouble Zeus could be, how he was too much for a mortal to handle. I tried to be nice to her, but she just grew jealous. She wanted to steal him so much she made him show her his true form, the fool. The only thing she could do well is burn up.

Zeus: Shut up! Don't talk about her that way! (He rears up on his hind legs, roaring)

Judge: Zeus, sit back down! If you speak out of turn one more time, I will have you thrown out of court.

Zeus: I am the ruler of Olympus, king of the Gods!

Judge: and I'm in charge of the court, so you will obey my rules if you know what's good for you.

Hera: You never knew how to control yourself, Zeus. Some down time in daddy's stomach might have done you some good.

Zeus: I thought you were happy that I rescued you from our dad.

Judge: Hold up, you two are siblings?

Zeus: Of course. All the gods are relatives

Judge: It isn't even legal for siblings to marry in Greece. You two can split any time you want. Now, please, split from this court. These deity cases give me a head ache.

Zeus: Oh, you may want to watch out. The last time I had migraines, I got a kid out of it.