Part 1: Loki's Hat of Wonders
It started with the whole gang from Scooby Doo running around looking for some monster or another. Eventually, they all meet up after the obligatory crazy chase scene, and the villain they were looking for appears before them. Loki is in full armor except for his horned helm.
"You poor foolish humans. Did you think you could outwit me with traps and ploys worthy of an infant?"
Freddie turned red with that comment.
"If you want the hat I stole so badly," Loki continued, pulling a simple black ski cap, "then by all means, take it. Enjoy!" With that, he disappeared in a swirl of smoke.
The gang, confused, annoyed, but ultimately pleased with themselves, headed back to the summer camp they had ditched to go on this adventure. Luckily, no one had noticed their absence. At this point, I joined the group. In fact, I'd been there the entire time. I simply became aware of the fact that I was an acting character. I also happened to be the one holding the hat.
"Guys," I said, "remember what the old man said when he sent us to retrieve the hat? How it was magic?"
"Oh please," scoffed Velma, "There's no such thing as magic."
"Then why would a guy like Loki want to steal it?"
They bumbled some answer about revenge or secret family heirlooms, and I remained quite unconvinced. However, something made me hesitate to put on the hat and test it out. Instead, we kept participating in camp activities like playing chicken or having watermelon eating contests. Eventually though, my curiosity got the better of me.
"Okay, let's start with something nice and simple," I muttered to myself, pulling the hat on, "I wish they had baklava at dinner tonight."
Sure enough, at dinner, the servers wheeled out trays of baklava for dessert. I tried to tell my friend about my wish, but they found the evidence far too coincidental.
"Fine, then I'll wish for something impossible. I wish I could fly." As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt a slight shift in my weight. My feet weren't getting any purchase on the ground, and soon I hovered at least a foot above it. My heart leaped for joy until I realized that I didn't know how to steer, how to stop, or how to land. I simply drifted off towards the pool and...splash!
"What are you doing in there!" one of the counselors shrieked. I was pulled out of the water, hat no longer on my head, and given a rather stern lecture about inappropriate use of the pool. I wasn't even permitted to retrieve my hat, which bothered me a heck of a lot more than the loss of free time I was punished with.
I was in a daze for the next hour or so. Next thing I knew, everyone had been marched off and split into groups. Fortunately, the divides seemed to fall along natural social fault lines, and the majority of friends were placed together. The counselors were explaining the purpose of this latest activity, something like 4 way capture the flag, when I noticed one of my friends sneaking down to speak to a boy in a different group. They talked, they argued, and finally the boy handed her something and she returned to her position before anyone else noticed.
"Here," she whispered to me, "I saw him fish it out a little while ago."
She handed me the magical hat, still damp from its swim. Before I could thank her properly, the group assembly was dismissed and everyone took up their positions in the game. Almost everyone. I didn't really feel like played, so I sneaked off and contemplated the hat. Why did Loki give it to us? Why can no one else tell what it's capable of? Am I insane? Is the hat just making me delusional? He is the God of mischief after all...
"You!" a boy armed with a sword and a scowl shouted, pointing his blade at me, "What team are you working for!?" I could tell neither he nor the blade was very sharp, but strong was another matter, and I didn't want to deal with this bully. I yanked the cap over my head and thought to myself invisible thoughts.
"Wait, where did you go!? What was...you're weird!" At least I knew now that I wasn't just hallucinating the cap's powers. I wished myself visible once more before removing the hat and wandering off in search of a better hiding place. As I went, I noticed the boy I'd scared running into some other kids. Those kids, angered, chased after him. Others joined, team lines blurred, and a free for all broke out. The counselors that tried to stop it just got a punch to the face for their efforts. It was utter chaos. So that's why Loki let us have the hat, I thought to myself. Next thing I knew, I saw the boy who'd taken the hat and my friend who'd retrieved it standing together awkwardly. Then, the girl began to sing.
"I care about you/ and I hope you do too/ not that I need it/ I don't need shit/ And if I/ start to cry/ it's because a bug flew in my eye/ but really you're kind of great/ as much as I hate/ to say it."
And of course, he replied in song as well. "Don't think I dislike you/ It's just hard to know what to do/ when you've met a pretty girl/ Are these feelings all for real?/ Or is it just a reflection?/ I need some introspection/ Just give me a sec to think it through."
Before I had fully recovered from that awkward spontaneous duet, the hat started twitching in my hand. Somehow, I knew Loki was coming for it now that he'd had his fun watching me do his job for him. Without really thinking about the consequences, I held the hat's brim up to my mouth and whispered.
"I wish Loki could never ever use this hat no matter what other wishes people make to the contrary."
The hat writhed for a moment, trying to accept being cut off from the person that I can only assume was its creator. Then, it went still. Loki was still coming, and he was going to be mad, but I didn't care. I messed up the plans of a Norse God. How many people can say they've done that?
Part 2: Trolls the Musical
I was watching back stage as a man dressed sort of like a pilgrim gave a monologue about his ambitions and how much he hated the world, platonically of course. Then, as he headed off stage, Gamzee cartwheeled on. He had a crazy, nonsensical, slightly disconcerting musical number that made the crowd go wild. At the end of it, the pilgrim came back on stage to reprimand him for his ridiculousness, but Gamzee just shooshed him and led him over to a mirror where he took out grease paint and started decorating the pilgrim's hat. It aggravated the pilgrim to no end, but he made no real effort to stop it.
Soon, another pilgrim came in. He graciously avoided commenting on the first pilgrim's hat while Gamzee wandered off and honked periodically so you could not tell what the pilgrims were talking about. The angry pilgrim (who had taken off his hat to reveal Karkat's stubby horns to the audience's utter lack of surprise) moved to a round pedestal in the front of the stage and informed Gamzee that something urgent had come up and it would be dangerous for them to be seen together. Reluctantly, Gamzee pranced away. (There is nothing as adorably pitiful as someone prancing sadly.)
Somehow, while I had been watching Gamzee, Karkat had mounted a grey horse. He made another monologue, this time in verse, about the trials of a mutant. He was cut off half way when a grim, blue haired soldier mounted on a enormous blue-black stallion emerged on the stage. He was accompanied by a considerably smaller soldier with teal blue hair mounted on a white horse. The two joined Karkat on the pedestal, an impressive feat given how little space their horses had to maneuver up there.
"Mutant," grunted the large blue man, "Her Imperial Condescension is displeased by your existence and offended by your ambition. If you wish to survive another sweep, remove yourself from the public eye. Live in caves if you wish, but I will not hesitate to shoot you upon our next meeting."
"OH YEAH?" Karkat retorted, "WELL SCREW YOU EQUIUS! YOU CAN'T EVEN SHOOT A BOW AND ARROW AND YOUR QUEEN CAN SUCK MY --"
"That is enough," Equius warned, his horse snorting and stamping. I felt bad for the people in the audience right below him. "Were it not for her, I would not have given you warning at all. Come, Terezi," he commanded as he trotted off. The teal soldier held back.
"Actually, I think I'm going to berate the low blood some more. See you later!" Terezi brought her horse around to face Karkat again.
"You're such an idiot. It's adorable."
"SHUT UP."
"hehehe. Why would I do that? Besides, you're almost right."
"ABOUT WHAT?"
"Quiet, I'm giving you a compliment," she snickered, "The Condesce needs to go down, and we have to fight for it, but ticking off the people offering help is not the best strategy."
Terezi then broke into her own song about how to lead a revolution. Half way through, A small, feline girl dressed in green leaped down from the rafters where she'd been hiding and joined the song. When Terezi and Nepeta had finished, Karkat face palmed so hard he unseated himself from his horse, which ran off stage in a panic.
While Terzi and Nepeta chased it down, Karkat received yet another visitor.
"Karkat, dawg, we've got to talk." Dave, who was not only mounted on a horse but was in fact a centaur, trotted on stage.
"UGH, DAVE I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR CRAP."
"No, listen, it's import-"
"AND NOW I HAVE THAT MORONIC SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD!"
"Dude, it's about Ga-"
"WE'VE GOTTA FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO BITE IN HARMONY!" Karkat sang, horribly off key.
"You know what, whatever man. It's up to you," and with that, Dave trotted off again.
The lights dimmed, gaining a purplish tinge, while Karkat continued to hum the tune. He picked up the hat that Gamzee had decorated, deliberating whether to put it back on or not, when a honk made him jump.
"GAMZEE?" Karkat shouted, looking around for the source of the honk.
"I will paint my miracles," Gamzee's whisper echoed through the theater.
"Gamzee?"
"WITH YOUR BLOOD!"
The curtain dropped.
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